'Performance' rap music video pokes fun at roadies, fixed gear riders
Posted by Jonathan Maus (Publisher/Editor) on August 11th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
(Watch it below)
Local road racers Robin Moore and Jake Salcone have put together a hilarious music video called Performance that skewers the fashion and behavior of roadies and fixed gear riders.
The video is set in Portland and the song contains some stinging lines about fashion-conscious fixed gear riders by a roadie rapper named MC SpandX.
"An anodized chain, cards in your spokes... how can you ride, your pants are a joke?" goes one of the lines.
This is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. While it's harsh on fixed gear riders, the MC SpandX is so over the top about himself he actually ends up making just as much fun of himself.
Watch MC SpandX lay it down rap-style against the fixie set...
I know what I'll be singing on the way home today... that's right, "Performance, that's the name of the game. I pump up my tires and I oil my change... And I always ride through the pain."
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August 11th, 2009 15:39
Road bikes are the new fixed gear!
August 11th, 2009 15:49
roadies make a rap dis song about fixies, now that's irony.
kettle calling the pot black?
can't wait for the fixie response song.
August 11th, 2009 15:57
The challenge is on! Hope to see more of this fun (albeit meta) stuff at the 2010 festival!
Ayleen + crew
August 11th, 2009 16:01
While I find both camps equally annoying, I do support rap beefs/battles. The fixie crew better respond. I have a camera and can edit, someone contact me, this could be fun.
August 11th, 2009 16:05
Funny!
August 11th, 2009 16:07
I'm not sure roadies get off so easy in this video.
Anyway, whatever, if fixies are a fashion statement, it's more innocuous than mink stoles or glass pack mufflers.
August 11th, 2009 16:08
Funny!
August 11th, 2009 16:12
I laughed out loud and sent the link to all my buddies! Brilliant!
August 11th, 2009 16:20
Awesome! I still love my fixie!
August 11th, 2009 16:26
Great. Now I have to get a road bike to be cool. What's next? Mountain Bikes?
August 11th, 2009 16:33
I think the roadie was making more fun of himself than the fixed-gear hipster.
August 11th, 2009 16:34
What's next?
It's all SoftRides now.
August 11th, 2009 16:41
that was awesome.
dunno how much of my enjoyment was from thinking OH HEY he's on Hawthorne/Mt. Tabor...
August 11th, 2009 16:43
Did roadies just jump the shark? Time for TT bikes...
--Bill
August 11th, 2009 16:53
Wow if that guy spent that kind of energy against car culture.
I guess it is funny?
August 11th, 2009 16:56
Well of *course* Roadie Van Dorkus can skewer Fixie McHipsterson. What's the latter going to do to the former - axle him upside the head?
August 11th, 2009 17:12
Who is gonna skewer the Zoobombers?
August 11th, 2009 17:12
'its all about commutin....got elastic on my leg and an ipod in my ear.'
'yeah all about commutin....rock my blinky lights and my bright yellow pannier.'
man you can hate on all kinds of bikey types this way!
August 11th, 2009 17:36
INSTANT CLASSIC!
August 11th, 2009 17:37
Good concept but man that guy has no flow whatsoever. I think the fixie community could absolutely SCORCH this guy senseless if they found someone who could rhyme with some conviction.
But otherwise, I did laugh a bit at this video. I'm neither a "performance" rider nor a fixie rider, but I love the battling inner factions in the cycling community. Long live bikesnob!
August 11th, 2009 17:41
I spoke with a hipster chick two days ago and she wants me to find her a fixie bike to walk alongside as a fashion accessory. Too, I hear a company in Taiwan is marketing some lycra but with retro-type prints that mimic the local cult. Even Giro is responding with an official "hip" bowling ball style helmet. Lycra hipster gear, yea baby!
August 11th, 2009 17:42
That was hilarious!
August 11th, 2009 18:10
I'm sure we'll be reading commentary from BikeSnobNYC tomorrow about this vid. :)
August 11th, 2009 18:36
This is like a BikeSnob NYC column set to music and exactly what our community needs and is sorely lacking: a self-deprecating sense of humor.
August 11th, 2009 18:59
best thing i've seen all day! Thanks for sharing this Jonathan! And thank you to Robin and Jake! Hilarious.
August 11th, 2009 19:03
Jonathan, do you get satire? I am a roadie and this was much more about making fun of roadies? Well done, do you think Colbert is a conservative?
August 11th, 2009 19:27
old&slow, i definitely get satire... i've had a busy day and turned this story around in about 10 minutes.. didn't have much time to think about it really.. now I've edited the story a bit.
thanks for the feedback.
August 11th, 2009 19:39
Anyone who can't admit that both roadies and fixie riders offer a lot to laugh about needs to chill out.
August 11th, 2009 20:44
Anyone know what category Robin Moore races? He references Cat 1 in the video.
August 11th, 2009 20:47
I know what I’ll be singing on the way home today… that’s right, “Performance, that’s the name of the game. I pump up my tires and I oil my change… And I always ride through the pain.”
Should be "oil my chain". :)
August 11th, 2009 22:01
Fantastic. And another fantastic opportunity for my:
Ode to the Derailleur
[Say it with me, like the French: de - rail - yeur. Not de-railer.]
Oh, how I love my derailleur
as I fly past the hipsters without failure
You are an object of human ingenuity
like the works of Norman Mailer
I can ride faster because my gears are not fixed
I can shift you between and betwixt
quicker on the climb, and on the descent
I adjust my power to one hundred percent
Oh, derailleur, how could anyone forsake you?
you are an engineering marvel, and functional too
I suspect it's more about fashion than simplicity
Oh, derailleur, why can't they see -
You are the ultimate in bike utility!
August 11th, 2009 22:24
That was very funny.
Zoobomb skewers itself, I guess you didn't see the play/musical "Nerds on Bikes".
August 11th, 2009 23:58
Weird Al would approve. :)
August 12th, 2009 00:41
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August 12th, 2009 03:44
I didn't expect it to be that good!
August 12th, 2009 08:53
I thought it was hilarious, but I'm neither a fixie or road rider. I'm hoping the recumbent crew jumps in on this battle. Those dudes have some serious flow.
August 12th, 2009 09:22
Hmm, who to hate more, the guy who shoulder brushes me unannounced at 24 mph or the guy who hops in front of me by blowing every light/stop sign just to slow me up midway through the block going 12 mph? So hard to decide.
I guess standard-issue commuters need a response video more than fixie hipsters.
August 12th, 2009 09:24
@Russell
Here here.
August 12th, 2009 09:48
Maybe the free-ride types should get into the action. What could be funnier (or not) than a roadie on 1-inch tires taking a 40-foot drop.
August 12th, 2009 10:44
someone please make a video of the commuter set
"...got my gortex rain coat, rain gloves, and my rain hat ...you cant understand- $500 for my rain pants..."
"...its all about performance, can't feel the rain..."
August 12th, 2009 10:54
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2009/08/take-seat-problem-of-saddle-theft.html
August 12th, 2009 12:03
Because commuters are so without sin. We can start with the self-righteous attitude, the ability to look down at others, even if they are on a tallbike. It's funny when I ride a freakbike I hardly ever get an "on your left" out of a commuter, they are usually too busy giving me the stinkeye.
My favorite is when I'm on my track bike and I can hear you upshifting behind me so you can blow past me down a hill where my low gearing limits my top speed. Then you downshift thru about 4 gears, not one a t time, you just dump it down 4 and your poor bike is going "clunk, clunk, clunk!" and then you start spinning up the hill at a walking pace as blow past you climbing, standing up.
August 12th, 2009 13:09
i prefer fords over chevy.
August 12th, 2009 13:51
As a fair dinkum passport carrying Australian I feel fully qualified to ask - WHATS WITH THE JERSEY ??????
Yeah - go on - you know you want to watch it again ......... !
August 12th, 2009 14:32
what's even funnier are the people who take the dissing seriously!
August 12th, 2009 18:19
Wow! This is gettin' blown up! In a good way if you count you tube views. Not in a good way if you think this was actually to dis any group of riders.
I've watched it ten times my self, mostly with friends that I thought'd get a chuckle. Its been fBooked to me a few times and I've gotten emails from good friends plugg'n it. It got big fast -- I think uploaded monday night... over 23,000 hits already, in two days!
I do believe 'Performance' is an inside-the-scene critique of exactly the lines -- that some people's responses seem to want to defend -- that some have been created (or found) within our subculture. There is no doubt in my mind that both the fixie kids and those with the money (or dedication) to throw down on 10spd engage in their love of cycling in equal magnitudes.
I don't know what I'd do without my (fixed) commuter or my (10spd) road bike... with a carbon frame.
Lets laugh at ourselves with a big smile and keep ridin' to get ourselves happy and 'there' on time. It is/shouldbe after all one big family.
Thank you Robin and Jake. Priceless!
August 12th, 2009 19:27
I doubt any of these comments are made without at a bit of intended jest - same as the vid.
August 12th, 2009 19:29
That video is hilarious! For both "camps". I'm 50 years old, and blew past more than one "performance" bike/biker on the hills at the Portland Providence Bride Pedal this past weekend...on my 16lb carbon fork, Gates carbon belt drive "fixie"....yee haw! signed, Grandma on a bike.
ps...I like the performance bikes too (except that spandex crap)...can't you kids all get along?
Grandma, over and out!
August 12th, 2009 21:02
can't wait for the fixie response song.
I think hipsters are too busy working on their alcoholism to really get on that.
August 13th, 2009 07:41
Gotta say, I agree with BSNYC that while I found it amusing, I kept assuming that it was an ad (overt or subliminal) for Performance Bikes.
August 13th, 2009 14:09
ONE LESS FIXIE!!!
August 13th, 2009 14:48
Am I missing something? I didn't really think it was all that clever or funny. (but I understand how hardcore cyclists might latch onto it). The spoof/white-rap video thing is tired and worn out.
August 14th, 2009 17:44
As a zoobomber I fully support a rap battle involving us.
September 4th, 2009 18:41
Jonathan, thanks for posting the vid here. I saw it first via email and thought it was the bomb. Don't know why, maybe just cause I love biking so much, maybe being PDX. I love to laugh at my own snobbery. But seriously, I get a thrill out of every kind of biker, that I pass~