Posted by Jonathan Maus ( Publisher/Editor ) on June 12th, 2012 at 10:27 am
You’ve got to read this post on Craigslist. Reid Parham (@parhamr) shared it with me via Twitter:
You doored me on my bike on 6/9/12 – m4w – 29 (sw5th and Main)
Date: 2012-06-11, 8:15AM PDT
You were in a black 4 door sedan getting out of the rear right passenger door(stopped in traffic in the right lane). Me, riding my bike to work with my beard on, in the bike lane/gutter/parking lot/perfect place to get out of your car. When you swung your door open I knew I had nowhere to go because I was trapped between you and parked cars. I yelled something at you and startled you, sorry about that…
I was on edge because of the rose parade crap going on all around me. I didn’t get a good look at you(blonde?) but as my left hand exploded open on the edge of your door, I think I fell in love. I see no other explanation for how I felt no pain but only a yerning to know you. I guess you thought I was ugly and ran away. This rejection was too much for me so I fainted. Thanks to the guy walking his bike who helped me lock my bike up for me because I was in shock, and thanks to the lady who gave me tissues to clean the blood from my hand(I hadn’t even noticed, oh look! Bone!). The parade was lovely as I walked to Broadway and oak bleeding and pale to get a ride to the hospital(thanks co-worker). After closing up the gash in my hand that would make the flaming lips proud I got an x-ray which showed that I had broken my hand or you had…we had broken together? I told the doc about you and that I didn’t feel any pain, he said I was still in shock, I said no, try again. He then x-rayed my heart and guess what? Broken. The worst park is that I can’t do anything to distract me from you like riding my bike or working. I hope that in surgery I’ll find the distraction I’ve been looking for. Hit me up for a drink! I can only have one though because of the Vicodin.
I can’t tell if this guy is sincere or or not, but I still enjoyed it.