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Craigslist gold: “You doored me on my bike … I think I fell in love”

Posted by on June 12th, 2012 at 10:27 am

You’ve got to read this post on Craigslist. Reid Parham (@parhamr) shared it with me via Twitter:

You doored me on my bike on 6/9/12 – m4w – 29 (sw5th and Main)

Date: 2012-06-11, 8:15AM PDT

You were in a black 4 door sedan getting out of the rear right passenger door(stopped in traffic in the right lane). Me, riding my bike to work with my beard on, in the bike lane/gutter/parking lot/perfect place to get out of your car. When you swung your door open I knew I had nowhere to go because I was trapped between you and parked cars. I yelled something at you and startled you, sorry about that…

I was on edge because of the rose parade crap going on all around me. I didn’t get a good look at you(blonde?) but as my left hand exploded open on the edge of your door, I think I fell in love. I see no other explanation for how I felt no pain but only a yerning to know you. I guess you thought I was ugly and ran away. This rejection was too much for me so I fainted. Thanks to the guy walking his bike who helped me lock my bike up for me because I was in shock, and thanks to the lady who gave me tissues to clean the blood from my hand(I hadn’t even noticed, oh look! Bone!). The parade was lovely as I walked to Broadway and oak bleeding and pale to get a ride to the hospital(thanks co-worker). After closing up the gash in my hand that would make the flaming lips proud I got an x-ray which showed that I had broken my hand or you had…we had broken together? I told the doc about you and that I didn’t feel any pain, he said I was still in shock, I said no, try again. He then x-rayed my heart and guess what? Broken. The worst park is that I can’t do anything to distract me from you like riding my bike or working. I hope that in surgery I’ll find the distraction I’ve been looking for. Hit me up for a drink! I can only have one though because of the Vicodin.

I can’t tell if this guy is sincere or or not, but I still enjoyed it.

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  • 9watts June 12, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Well he’s a great writer. Thanks for posting this. Very poignant reminder.

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  • Joe June 12, 2012 at 10:44 am

    I want to buy this dude a drink, what a awesome way to resolve. he has to pay for the med bills BTW

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  • Chris I June 12, 2012 at 10:49 am

    So the driver sped off as well? Is that considered hit and run?

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  • Nick V June 12, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    This guy takes falling head over heels a bit to the extreme.

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    • thefuture June 12, 2012 at 1:19 pm

      She must have thought he was aDOORable.

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  • Rol June 12, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    You catch more flies with honey than vinegar I guess.

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  • JRB June 12, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Assuming that this guy is on the level, just more evidence that the male primal urge to mate leaves little room for self-preservation or common sense, like we need more evidence anyway.

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  • Brian June 12, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Excellent Flaming Lips allusion. Well done, man.

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  • dan June 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Definitely turning lemons into lemonade, but let’s not lose sight of the fact that this is a…hit and run? Door and run? At any rate, the guy was clearly badly hurt, apparently passed out in the street, and they just drove off. Very bad juju.

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    • 9watts June 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm

      Well, there’s an unknown measure of poetic license involved, so maybe speculating isn’t that productive here.

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  • dude June 12, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    Don’t drink and ride (or smoke)

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  • SewCrates June 13, 2012 at 6:59 am

    If I ever get doored, fail to get contact info, and then later wish I had, I hope I remember to try this one. I bet it’d be much more effective than an angry CL rant demanding this person come forward to pay my medical expenses.

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  • martin June 13, 2012 at 7:55 am

    The sarcasm is obvious to me.

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  • Scott June 13, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Getting hit/doored puts you directly into fight or flight mode in a way that it does not with car on car action. I have to go sit on the curb and basically meditate so that I am able to speak in a way that does not sound like Cannibal Corpse vocals. Others cyclist/commuters/pedestrians should internalize this and help the person who has been hit in what way they need.

    If it is flight, encourage the hitee to just wait a moment and go begin the process of the driver giving proper information (a business card is NOT proper information), and if it is fight be the quick voice of reason. Say something about going to sit down and take a moment and then make your best attempts to prevent anything exacerbating the fight instinct of the hitee. Keep yourself, and all other parties away from the hitee until they are back in their head. You can do this by occupying the driver’s time by having them start giving their proper information.

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  • seager June 13, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Unsure if it’s sincere? Really?

    I guess they drove off or someone would have written down the license plate (I would hope.) That person needs to be prosecuted for hit-and-run.

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  • Gregg June 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    this guy works at a grocery store downtown, and he currently has a cast on his arm. the story is true, it was ye olde door and run.

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  • Dave June 13, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    I wrote this ad. Writing a rant wouldn’t have made me feel any better, like this missed connection has. I wanted to make a point and make it fun. Good news is that I won’t need surgery. I missed four days of work that I can cover with PTO, and insurance to pay the medical bills. Now I’ll have a scar to prove to people that I ride a bike even though I’m standing.

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  • Elmira Gulch June 13, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    The actual Craigslist post contains a lovely picture of the door’s handiwork (pun intended). Get well soon, bard.

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