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In case you missed Bike Snob’s latest paean to Portland

Posted by on March 28th, 2011 at 10:45 pm

“Obviously the most coveted employer in Portland is Chris King Precision Components, which is why they’re widely referred to as the “G*ogle of the Willamette.”
— Bikesnobnyc

I don’t usually put something on the Front Page that I’ve already shared via Twitter and that I know many of you have likely already read yourselves; but Bike Snob’s latest post is something no one should miss. Bike Snob is no stranger to Portland, but this time he’s taken it to a new level. He’s moved here, albeit only “virtually”…

I’ve transported my consciousness to the soggy utopia that is Portland. I’ve done this by transcending the material plane and by realizing that physical existence is merely a state of mind–or by completely deluding myself, depending on how you look at it. It was surprisingly easy, too. First, I created an artificial Portland habitat in my home by purchasing a humidifier which I fill with Stumptown coffee instead of water. Then, I set all my clocks back by three and a half hours. (Portland is an additional half hour behind the rest of the western United States.) Finally, I completed my microenvironment by making Bikeportland my homepage and pretending it was the local news.

When Mr. Snob (Eben Weiss is his real name) goes out to find a job, he pokes some fun at local bike companies:

“Obviously the most coveted employer in Portland is Chris King Precision Components, which is why they’re widely referred to as the “G*ogle of the Willamette.” However, when I told the Animatronic Chris Kingbot 9000 who conducts their interviews that I wanted to work on the “espresso tampon” line he showed me the door. (It was anodized pink, said “King” all over it, and had a 10-year warranty.) So I picked myself up off the floor, brushed the metal shavings off my Cane Creek t-shirt (which has a 110 year warranty), and resolved to press on.

Next, I went to Rapha, which is an even better place to work than Chris King since you don’t have to operate any machinery–unless you consider riding a bicycle and being photographed in black and white to be “operating a machine.” I was certain I’d nail this interview, and I even went so far as to don my bespoke cycling suit…”

Love it. Read the whole post here.

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Al from PA
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Al from PA

In NYC they’re smug enough to lampoon Portland smugness. Here in PA we’re more straightforward–we just wish we lived there (really, not virtually). Some day…

Mike
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Mike

I use to pay attention to this guy’s blog….not anymore. Seems to me he is more negative than anything, for Christ sake it’s just an F’ing bike lighten up. Myself, I don’t care what kind of bike it is, how lame-o it is if it’s being rode then I’m happy.

A.K.
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A.K.

I don’t think you’re “getting” the blog…

Schrauf
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Schrauf

Good read.

Umm – but it’s espresso tamper, not espresso tampon. I can think of several good jokes here, but I will look like a jerk once the story is edited. I probably already look like a jerk…

KJ
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KJ

I thought is was a joke. I could be wrong but I think he called it a tampon on purpose.

A.K.
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A.K.

Yes, it’s a joke and was called that on purpose.

Schrauf
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Schrauf

Oh, I get it. I guess it was not funny enough for me to realize it was a joke. Plus it was early…

Ely
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Ely

I love the Bike Snob. He dings Portland, lovingly, in almost every post. He has been somewhat negative lately due to the ugly anti-bike backlash taking place in the big apple. I hope they get that all worked out.

Bob_M
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Bob_M

Slow news day in NY?

was carless
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was carless

More like only negative-NYC news. He’s looking for something positive… and we’re the bike-world cheerleaders of the USA.

For better or worse, that appears to be our fate. 😛

spare_wheel
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spare_wheel

“Seems to me he is more negative than anything.”

Yeah dude, negativity is ” F’ing” “lame-o”.

CMark
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CMark

1 hu·mor noun \ˈhyü-mər, ˈyü-\ “…something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing.”

Harth
Guest

Great stuff. Struggled to keep my coffee (Cellar Door, not Stumptown) from coming out of my nose!

It’s like Portlandia but more. (or so I imagine – I haven’t seen an entire Portlandia episode.)

deborah
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deborah

‘This is Portland’s equivalent of a “Midnight Cowboy” scenario, as bicycle food vending is the male prostitution of the Pacific Northwest’

Smug it up Portland! 🙂

Editz
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Editz

Oh, just tell him to go put a bird on it.

jocko
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jocko

Editz. i think you have just coined a new use for “put a bird on it”. Someone cuts you off in traffic just say “hey buddy, put a bird on it”!

Zaphod
Guest

BikeSnob = comic genius
And here’s to drinking Cellar Door Coffee over that larger pdx roaster.

Harth
Guest

Nice. But when in Oakridge, I drink and eat at Trailhead – great place!

BikeChick
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BikeChick

Freaking LOVE BikeSnobNYC. Some of the best humor I’ve ever read. He’s dry, sarcastic, witty…a bit of a crush actually.

skyc
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skyc

I laughed so hard. You can tell when he’s mocking out of disdain and when he’s mocking out of love, and he was definitely doing the latter. Grade A.

Lynne
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Lynne

almost choked on my sandwich upon encountering “ethnic cleanser”…

kww
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kww

‘snob is blocked at work, lol – will have to wait….

was carless
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was carless

Time to change coffee shops!

roguewrench
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roguewrench

It’s nice to know that after leaving NYC in the late ’80-early ’90’s that white trash is still humming along. I believe that living in Brooklyn (home of the HA’s) has a shrinking effect on ones brain.
Although I chose the other side of the river I am proud to live in an area that has a proud and positive bike culture. Not many place are that way NYC being one of them.

Toby
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Toby

I have to admit, I was bored with this post and didn’t see what was funny about it. Not in an offended and “smug” way, (and yes I got it) it was just lame and not funny. But then I checked out the full post that was linked and loved it! I had no trouble holding in or keeping down the food and drink I wasn’t eating and drinking, but was definitely chuckle worthy, although still shy of an actual LOL.

adamdoug2011
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adamdoug2011

I love the bikesnob – he is funny.

Bob
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Bob

“Aspiring to collect rainwater.” That kind of ambition is what makes Portland what it is!