In case you missed Bike Snob’s latest paean to Portland

“Obviously the most coveted employer in Portland is Chris King Precision Components, which is why they’re widely referred to as the “G*ogle of the Willamette.”
— Bikesnobnyc

I don’t usually put something on the Front Page that I’ve already shared via Twitter and that I know many of you have likely already read yourselves; but Bike Snob’s latest post is something no one should miss. Bike Snob is no stranger to Portland, but this time he’s taken it to a new level. He’s moved here, albeit only “virtually”…

I’ve transported my consciousness to the soggy utopia that is Portland. I’ve done this by transcending the material plane and by realizing that physical existence is merely a state of mind–or by completely deluding myself, depending on how you look at it. It was surprisingly easy, too. First, I created an artificial Portland habitat in my home by purchasing a humidifier which I fill with Stumptown coffee instead of water. Then, I set all my clocks back by three and a half hours. (Portland is an additional half hour behind the rest of the western United States.) Finally, I completed my microenvironment by making Bikeportland my homepage and pretending it was the local news.

When Mr. Snob (Eben Weiss is his real name) goes out to find a job, he pokes some fun at local bike companies:

“Obviously the most coveted employer in Portland is Chris King Precision Components, which is why they’re widely referred to as the “G*ogle of the Willamette.” However, when I told the Animatronic Chris Kingbot 9000 who conducts their interviews that I wanted to work on the “espresso tampon” line he showed me the door. (It was anodized pink, said “King” all over it, and had a 10-year warranty.) So I picked myself up off the floor, brushed the metal shavings off my Cane Creek t-shirt (which has a 110 year warranty), and resolved to press on.

Next, I went to Rapha, which is an even better place to work than Chris King since you don’t have to operate any machinery–unless you consider riding a bicycle and being photographed in black and white to be “operating a machine.” I was certain I’d nail this interview, and I even went so far as to don my bespoke cycling suit…”

Love it. Read the whole post here.

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Al from PA
Al from PA
11 years ago

In NYC they’re smug enough to lampoon Portland smugness. Here in PA we’re more straightforward–we just wish we lived there (really, not virtually). Some day…

Mike
Mike
11 years ago

I use to pay attention to this guy’s blog….not anymore. Seems to me he is more negative than anything, for Christ sake it’s just an F’ing bike lighten up. Myself, I don’t care what kind of bike it is, how lame-o it is if it’s being rode then I’m happy.

A.K.
A.K.
11 years ago
Reply to  Mike

I don’t think you’re “getting” the blog…

Schrauf
Schrauf
11 years ago

Good read.

Umm – but it’s espresso tamper, not espresso tampon. I can think of several good jokes here, but I will look like a jerk once the story is edited. I probably already look like a jerk…

KJ
KJ
11 years ago
Reply to  Schrauf

I thought is was a joke. I could be wrong but I think he called it a tampon on purpose.

A.K.
A.K.
11 years ago
Reply to  KJ

Yes, it’s a joke and was called that on purpose.

Schrauf
Schrauf
11 years ago
Reply to  A.K.

Oh, I get it. I guess it was not funny enough for me to realize it was a joke. Plus it was early…

Ely
Ely
11 years ago

I love the Bike Snob. He dings Portland, lovingly, in almost every post. He has been somewhat negative lately due to the ugly anti-bike backlash taking place in the big apple. I hope they get that all worked out.

Bob_M
Bob_M
11 years ago

Slow news day in NY?

was carless
was carless
11 years ago
Reply to  Bob_M

More like only negative-NYC news. He’s looking for something positive… and we’re the bike-world cheerleaders of the USA.

For better or worse, that appears to be our fate. 😛

spare_wheel
spare_wheel
11 years ago

“Seems to me he is more negative than anything.”

Yeah dude, negativity is ” F’ing” “lame-o”.

CMark
CMark
11 years ago

1 hu·mor noun \ˈhyü-mər, ˈyü-\ “…something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing.”

Harth
11 years ago

Great stuff. Struggled to keep my coffee (Cellar Door, not Stumptown) from coming out of my nose!

It’s like Portlandia but more. (or so I imagine – I haven’t seen an entire Portlandia episode.)

deborah
deborah
11 years ago

‘This is Portland’s equivalent of a “Midnight Cowboy” scenario, as bicycle food vending is the male prostitution of the Pacific Northwest’

Smug it up Portland! 🙂

Editz
Editz
11 years ago

Oh, just tell him to go put a bird on it.

jocko
jocko
11 years ago

Editz. i think you have just coined a new use for “put a bird on it”. Someone cuts you off in traffic just say “hey buddy, put a bird on it”!

Zaphod
11 years ago

BikeSnob = comic genius
And here’s to drinking Cellar Door Coffee over that larger pdx roaster.

Harth
11 years ago
Reply to  Zaphod

Nice. But when in Oakridge, I drink and eat at Trailhead – great place!

BikeChick
BikeChick
11 years ago

Freaking LOVE BikeSnobNYC. Some of the best humor I’ve ever read. He’s dry, sarcastic, witty…a bit of a crush actually.

skyc
skyc
11 years ago

I laughed so hard. You can tell when he’s mocking out of disdain and when he’s mocking out of love, and he was definitely doing the latter. Grade A.

Lynne
11 years ago

almost choked on my sandwich upon encountering “ethnic cleanser”…

kww
kww
11 years ago

‘snob is blocked at work, lol – will have to wait….

was carless
was carless
11 years ago
Reply to  kww

Time to change coffee shops!

roguewrench
roguewrench
11 years ago

It’s nice to know that after leaving NYC in the late ’80-early ’90’s that white trash is still humming along. I believe that living in Brooklyn (home of the HA’s) has a shrinking effect on ones brain.
Although I chose the other side of the river I am proud to live in an area that has a proud and positive bike culture. Not many place are that way NYC being one of them.

Toby
Toby
11 years ago

I have to admit, I was bored with this post and didn’t see what was funny about it. Not in an offended and “smug” way, (and yes I got it) it was just lame and not funny. But then I checked out the full post that was linked and loved it! I had no trouble holding in or keeping down the food and drink I wasn’t eating and drinking, but was definitely chuckle worthy, although still shy of an actual LOL.

adamdoug2011
adamdoug2011
11 years ago

I love the bikesnob – he is funny.

Bob
Bob
11 years ago

“Aspiring to collect rainwater.” That kind of ambition is what makes Portland what it is!