Tour de Fat – Portland

Waterfront Park, Portland — MORE INFO HERE

Sprockettes!

PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR YET ANOTHER SEASON OF ANTICS, COSTUMES AND THE MOST FUN YOU MAY EVER HAVE ON TWO WHEELS!

Yes folks, the Tour de Fat will once again be meandering and pandering through 11 western cities spreading the good word about the positive societal offerings of the bicycle. Along with our exceptional ability to roust a city’s inner-cyclist, in 2008 we hope to drive our message even deeper by bringing you the biggest, most enjoyable traveling bike festival that we know of. May the revival roll forth in the name of the bicycle, and may you ride true to The Ten Commandments of the Tour de Fat:

1. Put no means of transport before thy bike: Come by bike because not only are bikes fun, but they help stave off some of our most wicked ills: Traffic, obesity, and pollution. Tour de Fat has a solution: ride this day, every day, and definitely when Tour de Fat heads your way.

2. Honor all other bikes: All bikes are good bikes, and all those who ride them are good people. This is the one Bike Festival that cherishes bicycle diversity on our Cruise-ade through town.

3. May every generation come forth: This is a family friendly event. Costumes, bikes and a parade? We were thinking like kids when we created Tour de Fat.

4. Thou shall come as a participant not a spectator: It’s a costumed celebration of human-powered transportation. Muscles not motors, coasters, v-brakes and rotors. Come in your favorite alter ego, because when everybody’s weird, no one is.

5. Thou shalt not bring booze; But enjoy the supplied malted adult refreshments responsibly: Please do not bring any outside alcohol on the ride or into the park. It could result in getting the event shut down…don’t be that guy. And when you imbibe in our tasty brews, remember this is a Bicycle Festival with beer, not the other way around.

6. New Belgium shalt not profit: Our goal is to raise money for bicycle and environmental charities. New Belgium Brewing Company does NOT retain any of the events’ proceeds. Please think of your $5 beer tokens as donations to a worthy cause. All sales are final; beer tokens do not expire and will be accepted next year.

7. Remember the purpose, and bring not your pooches: No canine friends allowed this year. We’re a dog-loving Brewery, but sadly not all municipalities and parks are. Please leave your best friends at home for their safety and the safety of others. Besides, it’s not much fun for dogs with all the noise and crazy people around.

8. Keep the day true with thy good juju: The ride is free, but we suggest a $5 donation to the good bike advocates who are putting it on for you. If you give more, you will not incur flats, mechanical troubles, or dry skin for a while…maybe. This is a celebration of the bike, not an anti-car rally. All tools have their place.

9. Thou shall rise early: Since Tour de Fat is a free show, we sometimes get more folks than we can accommodate. Once we’re full, we will handle overflow like a restaurant or bar: one in, one out. We reserve the right to determine the appropriate crowd size in the name of safety and enjoyment for those inside.

Thou shalt not steal thy neighbors’ bike: Don’t even think of leaving with a bike that doesn’t belong to you. Modern-day horse thieves will be dealt with by angry mob, pitchforks, and torches.