[Reporting and photos by Mykle Hansen]
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The City of Portland narrowly escaped a year of foreign dominance last night, when the Key to Portland was recaptured by Zoobomber Corey “Solid” Gold in a thilling tiebreaker at LegoHouse International Raceways in Washington Park.
This year, official scorekeeper Lapis Pezulis devised a complex point system to choose an overall winner from the many victors in the weekend’s many contests. Canada’s lead seemed unassailable until Sunday night’s Tour De Bomb downhill races, where Gabriel Amadeus won the minibike class in an exciting photo finish, and Solid Gold took first in the freak-bike race.
This, plus the strong showing of Sauce McSaucerson racing his chariot in the open class, added up to a 5-way tie between locals Gold, Amadeus and Sauce, and occupying canadians James “Can-Am” Brake and Ifny “Fighting” LaChance.
The Ben Hurt race at LegoHouse is a test of stamina and control — curves are sharp, passing is tight, and obstacles abound. But
Gold’s experience on this course gave him an early lead that the others could not retake. The crowd went wild as Gold, wearing only a spandex G-string and a tiger hat, completed his victory lap and was crowned All-Knowing Dictator of Zoobomb.
After Corey and Ifny received their awards — Ifny won the trophy for Highest Scoring Visitor — one final test of ultimate Zoobomb
sportsmanship remained: the Beer Bungee! Thirsty athletes sprinted uphill against the force of a thick strap of recycled inner tubes, struggling to reach an ever-receeding can of beer. Does any sport in the pantheon of Zoobomb althletics better capture the spirit of effort, sportsmanship and stupidity that is Zoobomb?
Your correspondent goes “hmmmmmm ….”
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Thanks for that report Mykle.
More on Mini-Bike Winter IV:
Thanks media fanatics! Jonathan, mykle, dan, felix. The daily updates and insta-online-pics and vids were an amazing contribution.
ah, and tackler for doing an amazing scorekeeping job.
“McSaucerson” ??? Thats a new one.
Man, you guys certainly know how to have fun! I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the reports this week on MBW IV!
I always thought it was LegoHouse, not Land. Not that it matters 😉
Yeah, most regular zoobombers know that LegoHouse is in washington park and Legoland is somwhere in california?
Legoland is at the Mall of America and is every bit as awesome as Legohouse. We should go on a zoobomb field trip!
Shhh! Don’t be spilling the secret knowledge, foolz! The suckers be linin’ up at the Mall of America for the beer bungee! And weez in ur legohaus, racin ur hurz!
alas, i’ve said too much already …
since I always strive for accuracy, I’ve edited the post.
thanks for the feedback on legoland/legohouse.
yes, thank you my unwilling subjects! As the newest Supreme All Knowing Dictator of ZooBomb Incorporated LLC and Protector of Portlandia (get the title right, ignorant underling!), i declare the bubblers to be filled with beer, all city streets closed to private vehicles, and a three day work week. oh, and bloody purges for those of questionable loyalty. mmmm….purges.